Wednesday, June 11

Find your way

There are times I find myself thinking about my life my kids and my hubby.  That's a lie I think about them all the time. How we became a family all the struggle that came with it. All I ever wanted when I was little was to be happy. I didn't want a new toy or my parents back together. I wanted a place I could lay my head at night to call home. My family growing up was very broken it still is. I don't know a family that isn't in some way. 
I changed that ten years ago when I had my first son. I was set on raising him on my own. I didn't want to be dependent on a man to pay child support. I didn't care if he was ever in my son's life. I wasn't going to be that baby momma chasing after a man who didn't want to be there. I was and still will never be in need for someone that bad. I can stand on my own two feet by myself. I grew up with a very large family so taking care of a child wasn't something new to me. I took care of my brother and sister when I was my son's age. I can say at ten years old I was a little more mature then the kids I went to school with. I had to be with them watching. I didn't want that kind of life for my son. That is why I choose to be a stay at home mother. It was hard at first very hard but with the help of a man now my hubby. I realized I didn't have to do it alone. It bothers me when I log on to Facebook on how many mother's are still chasing  a man for the reasons above I mention. Even worst they need a man to validated them in some way to say they are good enough. They need that constant boy not even a man to make them Happy. What is Happiness? The state of being Happy is what the definition is. It's sad many people still don't know how to have that in today's world. There is beyond enough drama on Facebook alone that makes me extra Happy I live far away from many people I know. Maybe it's because I'm older I see things in a different light now. No, that's not it. I have never been the type for drama not even in High School. However I did find it funny to say and do things on purpose that I knew would get under a few skins. I still do that while I laugh at how people react as if the world will end in that moment. I can laugh at myself if I make a mistake. I can support myself when I need it. I can't give up, it's not in my nature to do so. I was told once that I didn't know what it meant to struggle. I have struggled all my life growing up in a family of alcoholic's with more then enough pity parties to last six life times. A single mother who worked as many jobs as she could on no sleep just enough to keep a roof over our heads and food in our belly's. I can remember times where we didn't have heat or lights on in our house. Living in Michigan that was a very rough time trying to make a game out of camping in your siblings room. Thinking of things to tell them so they didn't say anything to someone at school. Taking cold showers was nothing we were going green long before it became a problem in today's world. My mother crying herself to sleep not fully understanding what was going on until much later when I became a parent.

Life never goes the way you plan it. It just happens a child before marriage a parent before a couple. My son Justin is my little sidekick. I celebrated my 21st Birthday with him when he was 7 months with a cupcake. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone has something in life that doesn't go the way you want it to. Don't worry about being a great person for someone else. Be something great for you. Love who you are. If you don't like the way things are going know you have the choice to change them. 
As the meaning of Life is in the title of my blog Life is only what you make it!!! 
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