Priceless Conversations with my kids

Walking into Publix our grocery store we seen the Navy Seals standing outside. My conversation with my son Justin.
Me: "Do you want to go to Navy camp?"
Justin: "When I see the Navy I think of Popeye. I don't want to be Popeye!"
I start to laugh
Me: "Popeye? You know Coach Mike was in the Navy."
Justin: Go figure he's skinny. He looks like Popeye."
I'm dying at this point. It's so funny what kids associate things with. Christopher put five dollars into their donations jar. They saluted us and the kids were taken back by that as we walk to the car. They both said simultaneously.
That was Awesome!

On our way driving through Louisiana we stopped at a hotel for the night. I couldn't sleep to save my life at midnight I decide to go ahead get the kids ready to start driving at 1 am. I would make it home around seven that night. It had to be about an hour or so I seen a group of five deer on the side of the road. Slowly driving just in case they decided to run in the road.  A few miles from them I seen another group of deer. As I still was driving I saw another deer this time he was running. I mean he was hauling ass. My thought he was trying to catch up with his buddies. Then I saw a Bobcat. It was huge. I never seen one up close besides in a zoo. I wanted to pull over to pet him. Then I realized that would be a bad idea since he would probably eat me. I kept driving besides he was getting breakfast fast food. 

My boys woke up about five hours later. I told them what I seen. 

Popsicle: " So you saw a cat. It can run?'

Me: "Yes."

Popsicle "It looks like a cat."

Me: "Yes."

Popsicle: " It had fur?"

Me: " Yes."

Popsicle: " Can it meow?"

Me: "Yes."

I'm thinking okay where is he going with this? Then the best part came at the end. 

Popsicle: "So you are telling me it doesn't throw bombs?"

Me: "Why would it throw bombs?"

Popsicle:" So what kind of cat is it?"

Justin starts to laugh and says "He thinks it's a bomb cat!" 

That was the laugh of the morning. He asked to see a picture of it when we stop for gas. Once I pulled it up I realized it wasn't a Bobcat I saw it was a cougar. He must of had a bad hair day because it was muggy that morning. His or her tail was long and fuzzy!

It's still funny when I tell people about my kids. I swear I never know what will come out of either of them. I do have to say these two conversations are right up there just like when Justin was about four or so. He thought God looked like Sam Bernstein.

 The story went a little like this. I was putting Justin to bed when he asked 

"What does God look like?"

"I don't know. What do you think he looks like?" I asked

Justin:" A old guy with white hair. Like Sam."

"You think God looks like Sam our cousin Sam?" I asked

" No, The guy that says You in an accident call Sam!" He said it with passion waving his hands.

Laughing I asked " You think God looks like Sam Bernstein?"

Justin: "Yes, I do."

All I could say was okay I guess that is what God looks like. 

I love being a mommy. I love my boys! 

Things we say well Popsicle says

Being a mom I find that my boys are always saying something off the wall especially my little one. Sometimes we all say things that are funny at that time. Here are a few I can remember. 

My Popsicle told me I wasn't a girl I was his mommy.

Talking in the locker room with another lady I told her you know you have to drain the lizard before we take step class. When I said it I was thinking to myself I can't believe I just said that. I made sure I told her I have two boys. However I'm not so sure that matter the look on her face was priceless.

Popsicle tried to get me to call and buy the total gym. You know the advertisement with Chuck Norris. He was very convincing as he told me. It will make me strong and healthy. I don't have to leave home. My Popsicle was like a  salesperson.

Trying to explain to him why he can't tell the salesman at the tire place he was cute was funny.  Popsicle says " Why Momma he's a good looking man." OKAY he is three I'm sure that will change as it did when we walked into Target.  He told a lady walking by she was Beautiful!  I don't know where he comes up with this stuff it just flows out his mouth like nothing. I'm in big trouble as he gets older.

Justin tried to get him to leave the lizard alone at the park so we could leave.  He tells us the lizard is his friend and he can't leave him. He will be sad. Then he starts bawling his eyes out when we left. I felt so bad but my cat will eat the poor thing if we bring him home. Then Popsicle tells me I hurt his heart he will never get over losing his friend. Now I feel like the worst person alive.

He asked the lady at the grocery store for a hand shake then he kissed her hand and told her she was doing a good job bagging our food. 

When he goes to the bathroom he runs down his own check list

Pee check, Poop check, wipe my butt check. I have no ideal where he came up with that.

Making dinner a few nights ago I dropped pasta on the kitchen floor as I said "Shit" here comes Popsicle "Where shit I don't see shit!" Justin and I was rolling on the floor laughing so hard our stomach hurt. Like he knew what shit was.  Thanks to this movie for that one. 

Having lunch with the ladies he made them laugh. He told both of them they were Beautiful and his new best friends.

I had to tell my oldest not to walk around in his underwear that he is too old for that now. Popsicle says "Momma leave the kid alone!" 

The boys and I made some prayer sticks about a year ago. They are Popsicle sticks with pictures of family and friends on them. Christopher prayed for his self last night because he was tired. 

I think my son has an imagination gone wild or he talks to the dead. First it was Carol and Jack who went down in a shipwreck now it's some man named John. He was sitting on the floor playing when he kept talking to someone. 

"What are you doing babe?" I asked 

Christopher says "I'm trying to build a robot but John won't let me." 

Me "Who is John?"

Christopher "He is my friend."

Me "Well tell John to be nice."

Christopher tells John "Mommy said be nice!"

Me "He can stay as long as he is nice."

He runs up to me gives me a hug and tells me I'm the best Mommy ever. I'm not sure what to think about that.  However the kids were laying on the couch and the floor when a Lego block spontaneously was thrown through the living room at Justin. I seen it and couldn't believe it. Justin said "I think John did that! I think he was trying to make it in the box with the other Lego's."

Christopher yells "I'm not telling you again John stop!"

I do know he keeps us on our feet all day long he never stops. I like that he has tons of character. I love my boys! Not to sure about John yet but Carol and Jack left so maybe John will too. 

Getting a Divorce

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal &...

even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

 

 

 

 

This was a must share that I came across this morning on facebook. Take about karma kicking you in the ass! Hope you had fun reading this I sure did. It made my day.